Combat Gifts

'Sure the money's better in the private sector, but there're so damn Few Opportunities to Call in an Airstrike.'

'She thinks women should be allowed in combat.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

The rocket powered skiier

Ratminton

'You must be fast, agile and unflappable! Having fun just got serious ponies....welcome to gymkhana!

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Eat my dust!"

The Alpha Seltzer

'I'm not quitting! Who knows if i'll ever get another chance to break a hundred!'

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

"How should we divide the teams?"

Runner collapsing over the finishing line.

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'Our job will be to drag the competition down to our level.'

'Remember me?'

Trojan Hurdler.

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

Danger Slow Sand.

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'