Colorful Commentators Gifts

Cupcake icing and matching hairstyles.

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

Sports Radio in Crisis

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Tree of Public Opinion.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Sir Patrick Moore.

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"Actually, we will replace you."

Chess on TV

Chicken standing on a platform on a stage with three horns in front of it and wearing a top hat; a sign on the side of the platform reads "National Endowment for the Arts - Seal of Approval."

The United States of Amazement

That's nothing. You should see what he writes in the comments section.

"This is gonna be great!"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

'Say what you like about the All Black scrum, but it's clearly the most fragrant and well groomed in the modern game.'

Voice of the GOP

Trump Liberty

Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penality for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time?

"The video of our wedding now includes commentary."

Americans have been in denial about the cause of mass shootings for a while but it's time to get serious about door control.