Color-coded Cruiser T-Shirts

'Can we do a quick respray to match her super new outfit?'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

Mr. Punch in Venice

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

Mountain bikes and molehill bikes.

'It's St Patrick's Day...I thought you called this car your lucky charm??!'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"How long have you felt like a three-masted schooner?"

"Balance is essential, Ray. For example, this week, my life is purpost-driven, and I'll follow that with seven days of aimless drifting!"

"I'm looking for a car with backseat performance."

'I realize you love my boat, but you've been on it for nearly a month now. Do me a favor and go home.'

Bargeman on a canal boat.

Playboy has rigged his car with a loveseat

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

Fighting Gondoliers.

'My wife insisted I stop and ask someone for directions. Could you just pretend you're giving them to me?'

Sports car.

Now Entering Wyoming (or one of those other rectangular states that are out west someplace).

Mount Rushmore waves back to tourists.

Slow, merge left, resume speed, stop, stay, sit, roll over, good boy!

'It's very nice, but it's not really me. Do you have any of those little round, hollow, plastic balls?'

"We didn't know you had a rush hour."

Heart of America or Bypass

"Whoops! We have pot holes here, too."

'I didn't always want to be a gondolier. My first love was the Church.'

Marriage Guidance / Travel Agent

"With my handicap I can park just about anywhere I want to!"

'It IS an interesting hat isn't it? I made it from the skin of the last dog that fouled my mooring ropes!'

"Amsterdam? Boy, am I lost!"

Ignore him he's just showing off

Witch with a mobile home on her broomstick.

'Stop complaining. We can't afford a car with airbags.'

'What's your fish finder say?'

Caution: Stuff and things next 4 miles