Color Catastrophe Captain T-Shirts

Paint By Number

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

Is that pancake ready yet?

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"Cat park"

Disorder in the Court!

Sportknitting

Naughty Puppy Dog.

"Walter had an attack of road rage in the driveway."

Cloning...Oops! Oxelot.

'When an outboard goes overboard'

"Ahoy!"

No wheelies.

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

'Apparently all my creative juices have seeped into the left side of my brain.'

These colours haven't just run. They've sprinted!

'I see you caught the fish, but the boat got away.'

"Well, what I lack in cognitive thinking skills I more than make in moral flexibility."

Potty Training.

"Jeez, what a day. It's good to be home..."

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"The weatherman is always wrong. It'll probably end up being meteor showers."

A rowing cox takes a taxi cab.

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"If pressured, I will run!"

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

The end is nigh.

"Perfect! A table all to ourselves!"

'I don't get too far at home complaining about cubicle. My wife's cubicle has thirty four children in it.'

"Spinning, reefing, tacking...they sound like a dress making circle."

Parents everywhere: There's no shelter in place.

'Alright, who detonated the thermonuclear paintball bomb?'

Children and cat crashing on cart