Colonels Gifts

No Playing at Soldiers

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

'At ease, soldier.'

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'Somebody's got to be kidding,'

'Your wife called to remind you that you're married, sir.'

'Me? Morale Officer? --Why do you always pick on ME?'

Banting in the Yeomanry

Startling!

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

'No. No. Don't bomb them now. Wait until morning, when the birds are singing and the air is alive with a sense of possibility.'

'Let the ball do the work, son.'

"Sorry sir, it's the permafrost again!"

Diplomats in the form of doormats

Policeman's face reveals clock.

'I found it on Craig's List.'

'I must admit, I do look good in stripes.'

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

The old colonel wished he was in the land of cotton.

'Mars will have an oxygen atmosphere within six months. We just sent a payload of Kudzu there.'

'General practitoner'

'....and how big was this bee, Sir?'

General says, 'Gentlemen, no more war. Because of health concerns they've recalled everything that contains lead, like our bullets.'

'And I'll bet that there's a cute little war story that goes with each one of them.'

'I didn't know you got one for saluting.'

'I want to be them!'

'We now have enough nuclear weapons to blow up the earth sixteen times, which should finally take care of the mole problem in my front yard!'

'Oh, I'm reasonably ambitious about my military career, sir, but I don't want to set the world on fire.'

'Have you been in long?'