College Planning Pillows

'How will we pay for her college.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

As the Fleegersons approached the college's financial aid office, a strange force overcame Dan's wallet and Carol's handbag,

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

It's soo competitive! I'll never get into college! Don't worry, honey. You have plenty of time to prepare. Thanks, mom. Wow! Look at the tuition hikes and financial aid cuts. Don't worry. You have plenty of time to prepare. True. I deposited $10 just the other week.

I'm doomed! What's Twig's problem today? She forgot that the pre-SATs are this weekend. She hasn't practiced. So what? They don't test for life's important skills. Right. Like planning ahead. Whoops! I forgot the cream.

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

"I'm sorry, Dad. I can't do this. You always say I should prepare for the future...and last I checked, there's no college degree in 'dishwashing.'"

'Your ad here.'

The Empty Nest-Egg Syndrome.

'I have to flunk a few things, Dad, so I'll qualify for a government grant to go to college.'

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

How come rich kids do so well on SAT tests? Their parents give them books, fancy trips, lessons and

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

Fishbowl rebellion.

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

Trust

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"