College Preparation Pillows

"Writing about your community service is good, but I would play down the court-ordered part."

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

Blew off my S.A.T. prep class.

"So I think I'm going to do my college essay on 'Overcoming Adversity'."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"We want you to have fund, as long as it's fun that enhances a college-admission application."

'I started a whole new business, Mom! Kids are paying me to complete their college applications.'

Contest to enter the University

"He doesn't know it's for his college fund. We had it made from bullet proof glass."

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

"Isn't Gracie getting a little old for bedtime stories?"

"Today we're filling out mock college applications."

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

If your child doesn't have perfect grades or SATs, don't panic! Service work with the disadvantaged counts. Parent's night. Helping the poor looks great on college apps. Thanks heavens we didn't end poverty.

Hey, Twig! Ryan Beardsley wants your cell phone number! The divine wonder of West Fester High? Finally! My life changes for the better. He needs activities for his college apps and wants to come to our shortest eco-club cleanup. Change you can believe in. West Fester High School.

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

We know being raised by wolves isn't ideal, but think of the amazing essay you'll have on your college application!

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

Continuing education.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

"One year closer to college!"

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Trust

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.