University Preparation Pillows

The timing doesn't work for eco-club to start a garden. I have a better idea. Build a compost bin. You can recycle the school's leaves and grass clippings. You'll have good soil for a garden next spring. That's not enough time for college admissions essays. Write about the trauma of delayed gratification. Never heard of it.

Child saves for university instead of sweeties.

'But I digress...'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

Burning the midnight oil.

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Exam

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

Four Types of Test-Takers...

Nervous Oral Testing

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

Good luck with all the revision...

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

Examinations.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"I have a huge Algebra final tomorrow. I know I'm gonna fail."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"I tried getting good grades without studying, but it isn't working."

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

Trust

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

'You have failed on all counts...'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

Good Luck with your finals.

Too big to fail

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."