College Goer Gifts

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"One year closer to college!"

"My homework ate my dog."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

Santa does a keg stand.

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Fishbowl rebellion.

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

Trust

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

"I'd like to spend a year abroad before getting tied to quill and parchment."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

The Graveyard of Past Deadlines

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

'Due to the record snowfall, every school on the face of the earth is closed except for Wolfbranch Elementary.'

Victor Frankenstein's Dream: 'This should definitely get me extra credit in my anatomy class.'

Believing that clothes make the man, Dave goes for the 'smart guy' look.