College Student Gifts

Nancy Wheeler/Natalia Dyer

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

'I'd like to change my major from electrical engineering to English or something.'

Cave College: 'We offer two majors, Hunting and Gathering.'

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

"I miss my mom's home-cooked methamphetamine."

The Graveyard of Past Deadlines

'He has an MBA from Wharton.'

'Did you remove all the cliches and slang from your term paper?', 'Like, totally, dude!'

'You know Doug just isn't a morning person. This afternoon's not looking too good, either.'

"That's in case Mum skypes me."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

I got my degree in like, you know, communications.

'No I don't have scissors you can borrow.'

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

"I gave you half credit on your paper ? Franklin did invent the stove, but Jefferson didn't invent the airplane."

"Virtual classes have some definite advantages."

'Well, Gosh...! How did you know I was an incoming freshman...?'

Milestone in a college student's life: 'Hey! I just got my first collection agency letter, dunning me for my credit card debt!'

"I just got the place feeling like home again and now it's time to go back to college."

'My son is in college and switched out of engineering into fraternity partying. He days he finds it less intense.'

"My homework ate my dog."

"All my college books are electronic textbooks, so my backpack weighs less now than it did when I was in elementary school."

"To us you're more than just students. You're a revolving source of revenue."

Victor Frankenstein's Dream: 'This should definitely get me extra credit in my anatomy class.'

'You'd think a Humanities professor would be more lenient in her grading.'

Spring Break Business

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"Believe me, you don't want to visit that club. Its members drone on and on."

'My son is studying communications in college. He never writes, calls, texts, or emails his parents.'

Believing that clothes make the man, Dave goes for the 'smart guy' look.

"I'd like to spend a year abroad before getting tied to quill and parchment."

"I'm going to major in history, so I thought prehistory might help."

Frat House Feng Shui

'The sound of one hand clapping.'