College-educated Person Gifts

Before you brag to your buddies about how you ate the worm at the bottom of a bottle of tequila, I should tell you that you really are the larval from of the moth Hypopta Agavis, which is, of course, a far less macho thing to do. Nobody likes a bartender who went to college.

Continuing education.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

"One year closer to college!"

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

"My homework ate my dog."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

Trust

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'You have failed on all counts...'

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

"I'd like to spend a year abroad before getting tied to quill and parchment."

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

The Graveyard of Past Deadlines

'I wanted to ask you about life-experience credit.'

Victor Frankenstein's Dream: 'This should definitely get me extra credit in my anatomy class.'

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

'I've decided to put off college, and hitchhike around the cat.'

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."