College Grad Gifts

"Most men brag about their fancy cars, but...you paid off all your student loans...wow!"

Big Bang Theory.

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

"Make a lot of money."

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Four Types of Test-Takers...

Good Luck!

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

Philosophy Department: You are here but why are you here?

Business Admin - Group Think 101.

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'I wasted a lot of time in graduate school to get this job.'

'When they came up with a 'do your homework' app, then I'll know technology can really make life better.'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'