College Grad Gifts

"Most men brag about their fancy cars, but...you paid off all your student loans...wow!"

Big Bang Theory.

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

"Make a lot of money."

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Four Types of Test-Takers...

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Good Luck!

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

Philosophy Department: You are here but why are you here?

Business Admin - Group Think 101.

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

All Hail the Matriarchy

A prince needs to learn arithmetic because some day you may want to divide and conquer.

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'If you're not confused then you realy don't know what's going on... !'

"This is what's known as a book."