University Graduate Gifts

"I'm afraid a qualification form the Univesity of Hard Knocks doesn't get you far in the biotechnology industry these days."

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

Meet the author

'I think educated guesses are useless; they're nothing but I-don't-knows with a degree.'

"He finally paid off his student loans."

"With its fabled architecture and lush landscaping, this is the kind of campus that you'll remember fondly as you move on to your office park cubicles."

"I was in college asking questions like 'What is the meaning of life'? I came out of college asking questions like 'Would you like fries with that'?"

Big Bang Theory.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

"Make a lot of money."

Surfing the daily stress

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Four Types of Test-Takers...

Good Luck!

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

Philosophy Department: You are here but why are you here?

The University Cricket Match - a sketch at Lord's.

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

'When they came up with a 'do your homework' app, then I'll know technology can really make life better.'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'If you're not confused then you realy don't know what's going on... !'

'I wasted a lot of time in graduate school to get this job.'

'I took a couple of years off after college to work on my smirk.'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

Good Luck!

'The first exam was easy as ABC, but that one felt more like a D,E or F.'