College Graduate Gifts

'Take my word for it. The answer is two. I'm a college graduate.'

"Tuition payments made me do it."

'Here's where you'll work! I know it's confusing, however we will have paid training for you.'

'I see you hold degrees in eating, sleeping, AND mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the other college graduates who have applied.'

'Look at Tim behind the counter. He didn't go to college and he's got a fast food job.'

After class at Clown College.

College graduate selling vacuums to pay back his loan (Colour)

Banked on a college degree without an NBA career to fall back on.

Graduation.

"Someday I'll even things up by getting a job where I'm totally underqualified."

Big Bang Theory.

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

"Make a lot of money."

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Four Types of Test-Takers...

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Good Luck!

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

Philosophy Department: You are here but why are you here?

Business Admin - Group Think 101.

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

'I still want to be a cowboy.'