College Graduation Gifts

"What does he know, and how long will he know it?"

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

Is there a Doctor of Philosophy in the house?

"I never graduated from college. I got caught cheating on my ethics exam."

Business school graduate trying to climb to the top of the world

'I'm sorry but you don't get any credit for giving it 'the old college try'.

English major will work for food.

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

'You need a college education to fall back on, Timmy. You cannot count on being captured and spending the rest of your life balancing basketballs on the end of your nose.'

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

"The First Robin of Spring Break"

"This has been quite a season for Zobrowsky—a hundred an twenty-nine receptions, sixteen touchdowns, a B-plus in English, a B in philosophy, an A in political science, and a B-minus in French!"

"I can't decide whether to turn pro first or go directly into rehab."

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Student Loan Debt Crisis!

'I see that you have a B.A. degree in collating and stapling. Your parents must be very proud.'

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Business Admin - Group Think 101.

'If experience is the best teacher, why can't I get a student loan?'

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

'The job I went to college to prepare for, was shipped overseas.'

College of Arts and Sciences (and a few things to fall back on).

'The average college graduate has $29,400 in student debt. How come you have $37,000?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Geek in indignation at fellow geek's T-shirt which says: 'I'm with someone who can only recite pi to 100 decimal places.'

'Could I see you after class?'

Beggar's sign: 'children at university.'

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

'So feared her prince may turn back into a frog so she went to college and earned a degree in finance, just in case.'

"Maybe saddling them with some debt will help these future generations work off some of their damn obesity."

"I'm looking for a career that won't be obsolete before my student loan is paid off."

"Technology is ruining us."