College Graduation Gifts

"What does he know, and how long will he know it?"

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

Is there a Doctor of Philosophy in the house?

"I never graduated from college. I got caught cheating on my ethics exam."

English major will work for food.

'I'm sorry but you don't get any credit for giving it 'the old college try'.

Business school graduate trying to climb to the top of the world

'And the recruiter from IBM - did you also tell him that at college you mostly sat on a rock by the sea, trying to find yourself?'

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

'You need a college education to fall back on, Timmy. You cannot count on being captured and spending the rest of your life balancing basketballs on the end of your nose.'

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

'I see that you have a B.A. degree in collating and stapling. Your parents must be very proud.'

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

Geek in indignation at fellow geek's T-shirt which says: 'I'm with someone who can only recite pi to 100 decimal places.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Beggar's sign: 'children at university.'

Student Loan Debt Crisis!

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

'The average college graduate has $29,400 in student debt. How come you have $37,000?'

College of Arts and Sciences (and a few things to fall back on).

'The job I went to college to prepare for, was shipped overseas.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'If experience is the best teacher, why can't I get a student loan?'

"I can't decide whether to turn pro first or go directly into rehab."

"This has been quite a season for Zobrowsky—a hundred an twenty-nine receptions, sixteen touchdowns, a B-plus in English, a B in philosophy, an A in political science, and a B-minus in French!"

'So feared her prince may turn back into a frog so she went to college and earned a degree in finance, just in case.'

'Could I see you after class?'

Business Admin - Group Think 101.

"The First Robin of Spring Break"

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

"I'm pre-law and pre-med. That way if I foul up I can defend myself."