Graduating Gifts

'Be advised the information herein may not be current and is subject to change. Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.'

Due to recent technological advances, everything I taught you about computers is no longer valid.'

'I'm sorry, Mr Aaron, but we checked with your school and you only graduated first in your class alphabetically.'

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

Praise works best when it comes straight after the positive behaviour.

'As everyone knows, scientists are at their peaks early in their careers.'

'This is not show and tell Billy...'

Four Types of Test-Takers...

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

Building has etched in stone above it: 'Education', 'Tradition', 'Financing'

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'I'd like a job as a job creator so I can create an easy, high paying job for myself.'

'You have an online degree from the college of hard knocks'

Philosophy Department: You are here but why are you here?

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

DNA Test

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

Student to teacher: 'After Accelerated Math I think I deserve a rest.'

'This course in philosophy is not designed to teach you how to make a living. I will be teaching you how to make a life.'

"Sorry, but I don't see anything useful here, given today's economy."

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

I'm in the den mom, reading the newspaper for social studies class.

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'The first exam was easy as ABC, but that one felt more like a D,E or F.'

Big Bang Theory.

"I went to my college class reunion. Everyone else is unemployed."

'The only thing I'm sure of is death and taxes and home work.'

It turns out nobody has anything to say.

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

'...Or not.'

"I agree, adults are really weird looking: I'm not looking forward to puberty..."

'Well, that's a new one on me -- a 'bachelor's degree lite'?'

And this is Igor from HR, you'll be reporting to him. Colin began to suspect that he'd accepted the wrong job....

'If you're not confused then you realy don't know what's going on... !'