College Dreamers Gifts

I'm afraid the children I may someday have won't get into a good college.

"This won't be easy, given your grades. You'll need to find someone even dumber than you to co-sign."

'It's depressing to know your future depends on your father's investments.'

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

The fate of the emigrant

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"Make a lot of money."

Continuing education.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

Exam

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'Congratulations, you graduated.'

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"I really love school. There's only one problem. I think not having a college degree is holding me back."

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

Good luck in your A Levels.

Grim Reapers sitting their 'Finals'.

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"'How to Buy Tickets on Bezos' Spaceship so You Can Live to See Your Teens,' by Chloe Butler."

'In the future, that should produce thousands of PhD theses.'