College Decision Gifts

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

I've got it narrowed down to two colleges. They are both good but they have different strengths. Which would you pick

'Well Mimi, what's it going to be...medicine or the cello?'

Colleges and vocational schools competing for students.

'I was really torn between going to Cornell or Pitt, but there's this awesome shoe store near Cornell, so...'

"OK, I've whittled down my list. When I go to college, I'm gonna study either law, biology and engineering...or journalism, medicine, anatomy, political science, forestry, business, math..."

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Continuing education.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

"One year closer to college!"

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

How come rich kids do so well on SAT tests? Their parents give them books, fancy trips, lessons and

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

Bribes for Jabs

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

'I really wanted to only take accounting courses, but my parents made me take this cartooning class so I would have something to fall back on.'

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

Fishbowl rebellion.

Trust