College Adventures Gifts

'It says, 'stand under an open manhole'.'

Santa does a keg stand.

Jumping cheerleaders

How did you get your parents to send you to Costa Rica this summer, Ingrid? By almost flunking Spanish. That's dire. Hardly! I'll party and practice my accent. Next year�remind me to bring my French grade down. Si!

What've you been up to since college, Lemont? Oh, I became a journalist … had a kid, blah blah … but I wanna hear about you, Rudy. Grigori Rasputin. How've you been all these years? How's your Uncle Mort? Are you a Russian spy? Boop boop boop. How'd that stomach-tumble-translator startup you founded in the nineties go? Wait ... what did you say you became? What do they have on President Trump? How's your cat? Boop.

Trust

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

"Yeah, I've noticed it too: Young Master's smell has changed a lot since he's become a teenager..."

The Spring Break Venus

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

"Your room is exactly how you left it before you went to college, except of course, for our boarder, Mr. Grunze."

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'

Nights in Bath

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

"...get in there and make my post docs fall in love with their research."

The life of a professor is great- it's either publish or PARIS!'

'We had quite a fire drill at school today -- there was looting.'

"That's the famous Josh—a high-impact body harboring a very low-impact mind."

'And there goes the school window...'

'I flunked my driving exam. How am I going to get into Harvard now?'

Son, when I went to school, I trudged for years knee-deep in student loans!

The assistant to the chair begins another busy day.

"I went to my college class reunion. Everyone else is unemployed."

This college is a hotbed of innovation. Looks normal. Visitors. They've radically changed the campus tours to stand out from the dominant paradigm. Wow, I'll say. The student guide doesn't walk backward! So this is progressive education!

How's the college tour? Dunno. Tap Tap. You'd have 2 ask the parents. Tap tap.

It's nice to have a positive parents' night topic. College admissions. Hearing about drugs, depression and sexually transmitted diseases gets old. The 3 downer 'Ds'. Tonight we'll discuss your kids' futures in higher education. We'll cover drugs, depression, diseases and crushing debt. Correction. 4 'Ds'.

"Hey, while you guys have that laser thingy out, how about removing that tattoo? Don't ask, it was a college thing."

I tried to take eighteen credits.

Binge Drinking On Campus.

"Hi Mom!"

I'm not interested in buying new technology. What's wrong with me? Don't worry. I went through a brief period in college where I wasn't attracted to women. I didn't want to date or even have flings. It was a dark, horrible abyss that felt like it would never, ever end! How is this helping? Red Maxim repeatedly until it passes.

'Son, this college is known as nothing but a big party school. Good choice!'

'What a day! A million things on my mind, and not one of them turned up on the test.'

'-just send us where the Page 3 girls go!'