Collectors' Club Gifts

Art Buyer Running Away with Unfinished Picture.

"I hear you bought a new classic car."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Do you buy cars here?"

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'God's speed.'

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

Doulton Canada Geese

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

"Too much club."

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"Grandma's TV is so old it wasn't made in a foreign country."

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

Over-reaction Man.

"...and it comes with sat-nav, which as you can see the previous owner used all the time."

Acme Flyswatters.

"There it is...the car of my dreams! It's the perfect match! The seat...the steering wheel...they just call my name! I'm not leaving here without it!"

James May

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

Driverless tow truck.

"Do you have anything smaller?"

'Built in obsolescence: Mini with a wind up gramophone.'

'I want one that says 'get lost' but includes a pocket compass.'

"I'm sure you want little Jimmy to have a complete set of 'Muscular Heroes of the Cosmos,' now, don't you, Mr. Bennett?"

"How long is this hole!! 540 metres!! I'll need a car to drive that far!!"

No Carrot Sign (like the old 'no radio' signs).

Why some Polar Bears eat their young.

It says, "In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to the automaker of your choice." Invite!

Mum's love of china had reached critical levels.

"Got any new monster trucks?"