Collector Of Dark Humor Gifts

'We are an equal opportunity organization.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Vlad the Impala

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'... And this is my cellar.'

Dead Funny

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"Housekeeping?!"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"The Eggsorcist"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."