Dark Humor Connoisseur Gifts

'Sign this non-disclosure agreement ? I'm going to use a secret recipe.'

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

No use trying to die with dignity. Death always shows up and spoils everything.

Mafia Marriage Guidance

'Does anyone have experience operating this thing?' 'MOI!'

"What will it take to put one of you two into a brand-new Eterna-5000 today?"

Flo discovered that one perk of cancer is that people treat her like a queen.

"You call it partial cannibalism. We call it portion control."

"Why is humor your only defense mechanism?"

King Henry

"Coffee mornings are much better now they're heroin mornings."

"I'm bored - shall we go 'round to the nearest Old Folks' home and stare through the windows...?"

Vlad the Impala

"May you rest in peace. The recession is over for you."

Her brother's on the building opposite with an M16.

"Actually I joined the website hoping to meet another member of the undead!"

'You know how to treat a lady.'

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

'Would you believe a Roller Boot Sale?'

'I stuck up a bank once. I should've taken out a loan.'

'Myra had always been proud of her figure, but frankly I found the see-thru casket in rather poor taste!'

Lethal Injection

'Plus an additional 5% handling charge for the cash!'

'That's nothing -- I'm serving THREE sentences concurrently!'

"Hey, you're preaching to the choir."

"If you still want to belong to an organization dedicated to killing Americans, there's always the tobacco lobby."

"How was prom?"

"I know where the bodies are buried. I buried them."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."