Dark Humor Collector Gifts

"I attended terror training camp Pakistan, but for undergrad, I went to the University of Alabama."

"I know he saw me."

"It's the health authority's new method for informing caregivers about our health condition."

'How do we know he's gluten-free?'

Ask not who death calls for it calls for you

". . . No, you're not in the bank anymore; don't you remember. . . ? The security guard shot you."

'You just missed him...can I take a message?'

'Recipes to die for: Pesto Parrot Pie.'

Misery Memoirs Bumper Pack.

'We planted some birds of paradise for ironic flair.'

A Pharmacy on Wheels.

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

'Good evening sir.Just wondering if you'd like to sample Night-Mart's new range of A-positive.'

'Man, that's the poorest sailor's knot I've ever seen!'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"Come on - let me guess again."

"This isn't a robbery. It's just coercive borrowing."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'Bert's dog training.'