Collector Of Clever Quips Gifts

"He painted 300 pictures in his lifetime. 1000 of which are in England."

The Snarky District

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

"Paper or plastic?"

Biliard Enthusiast

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

'I'd say your vision is being affected by an arrow through your head, but perhaps you'd like to get a second opinion from an eye specialist.'

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

'I am a bit concerned about what you meant when you said: LET'S DO LUNCH...'

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

Misfortune cookies

Tonight's specials are printed on the side of the barn. ? Bar.

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

Mensa Applicants - Please Form an Orderly IQ.

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

New Shoes.

Your DNA on a Stick

'Hey, Fred, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?'

'Somebody spiked the punch!'

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'

How about my dinner?

Woman in a card shop sees an 'Out Of Section' - Patience, Of Work, Nowhere, Your Mind.

"You're right. It does look better around your neck."

"You're definitely going to need an extraction."

"It's not as good a deal as it sounds - it's based on THEIR lifetime."

Uniporn

'My advice is: Don't put all your eggs in one basket.'

"The ringtones.....The ringtones......"

'You wouldn't be so quiet either if you had to sit on this board!'

'I'm Dr. Pooches and I'll be your den...Oh, boy.'

A man in a fruit shop shocked to see Pawpaws in the form of Animal paws