Collection Plate Ponderer Gifts

'It comes to something when the state of the pound is such that we HOPE to find lots of foreign coins!'

"That's an everblue."

'You called me out of the blue... Cobalt, ultramarine, prussian, cerulean or phthalocyanine?'

'I WANTED to paint the room a shade of green, but gave up somewhere between chartreuse and citrine.'

"I've learned a lot in sixty-three years. But, unfortunately, almost all of it is about aluminum."

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

"Enough helium makes laughing gas."

Crayo-Blah

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

Negotiations over the new colour scheme had reached stalemate.

Sensitivity Training For Bulls.

"And remember, we're a multi-denominational church - we accept fiver, tenner, euros, dollars. . ."

'Sorry, Steve, but we're trading you to France for two impressionists and a dadaist to be named later.'

"Van Gogh has always been associated with the colour yellow. In your case I think the colour is mediochre!"

Pizza Palazzo. Relax - It's only the post office that's thinking of stopping Saturday delivery!

'Mom, it's doing it again'

Mailwoman looks at mailboxes marked Mail - Spam.

'All these heads are kind of gross aren't they? What if we collected pottery or something?'

'Just to clarify IOU's do not qualify as a tithe!'

"The universe will either continue expanding at its present rate, expand at a slower rate, or begin to contract. None of this, however, can explain why it sometimes takes four days to get a letter from Chicago."

"Did you make an appointment?"

'Boy, they don't miss a thing, do they?'

"Hmmmmm ... I don't see you on our 'friends' list ... "

"Do we really have to use these plates?"

Periodically, Sadie Cohen gets jacked up on caffeine, then goes to the US post office. Once she gets to the counter, she starts chatting and asks endless questions, stopping up the line for hours, frustrating to no end the people behind her. It's her favorite practical joke and, frankly, one of the darkest things the human eye can witness. Enjoy! What's your opinion of the two-day certified mail to Wichita? Move it, lady!

"Ed! Help me with this puzzle. I can’t get any pieces to fit." "Put on your glasses, Louise. These are corn chips."

"Kids Menu Square"

I've got to run down to the art store again. Another gilt trip?

"So what's his story?"

"An elephant is like a brush."

Drinks vending machine: Tea, Coffee, No idea what this is, Urgh, and Best not.

'What - No lift?!'

'Psst! Wanna buy some people food?'