Collecting Rewards Pillows

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"Carrots just didn't get me going anymore, so I switched to chocolate instead..."

Employee of the month...

Dangling Carrots

'This one is for not hinting in T.V. interviews that Burma's pacifists should be send WMPs.'

'I've got my wallet here in the left inside pocket. Now I got a bonus and bought a bigger wallet which needs more space. Would you please remove my heart?'

"I've been too busy investing my enormous salary to be bothered running the company."

Most Loyal Employee Award

Hit a duck, win a prize.

'Isn't it how you learnt to swim?'

"Wow, you've got tons of loyalty points. Someone's a good boy!"

Congratulations on winning the Inland Revenue Fiction Award.

General gets a jackpot of medals at the casino slot machine.

'What can you suggest for a young lady who thinks she has everything?'

Footballer's Wages

"Hold yer fire! It's just a t-shirt cannon!"

"Awesome, yes - but what's the point? I mean, aside from the travel reward points."

'Have you been in long?'

Just a friendly gift.

"I'm proud to accept this award on behalf of our dedicated employees. Ahh! I think that stupid thing broke my foot!"

'You mean I'm supposed to have a reason to take a collection?'

'Sure, I could stop spending, but who am I to trip the economy into a depression?'

Bonus on Board

Lady sees vending machine: 'Your 2 Cents Worth 50 Cents'

"And now, if I may, I'd like to put You on hold for a moment while I have a few words with Mammon."

'Worlds best Sh***er'. Mug gift from flies.

Ticket prizes...

'I'm off to Stockholm to receive the Nobel Prize for Peace.'

'Dang! -- STILL no lifetime achievement award!'

'The reason I get a huge bonus is because I think I'm worth it.'