Collecting Comic Strips Gifts

"This is not the Puss in Boots I knew and loved as a child."

'Let me clarify something, Simpkins. . . I didn't say you were going to Mexico. . . I said your job is going to Mexico.'

"Have you considered a change of career? We're recruiting tax collectors..."

Take a ride with the reaper.

"Take my advice. I don't use it anyway."

'I beg to survive.' 'I beg to differ.'

Mismatched Lineups

'Waiter, now that we have your attention. . .'

'Tell me when this hurts, ok?'

'We've got latest news world public enemy number one, President Roosevelt!'

'He said there's a 40-minute wait for non-smoking.'

"Sorry for the delay in fulling your prescription. Since you brought it in there has been two new side effects we have to add to the label."

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

"Joey, can you help me out here?"

"I am afraid you were misinformed. I am not dead, just bored to death."

"Baldo, what's good for a headache?"

"Hey. This one's postman flavour!"

'Cancel Hambone's redundancy cheque then phone for an ambulance.'

Woman - 'Mmm, Interesting texture.....Is it Mohair?' Man - 'No...It's my hair.'

'Actually I was rather looking forward to a BLANKET bath!'

'Hello, postal service? My girlfriend and me got caught by my wife and she told me to go to hell. Can you forward my letters to there?'

'When I said make them a foot long...I meant 12 inches!'

"Don't you give your back to me!"

"I used to be rich, but then the damned kitchen faucet had to be replaced."

'I'm trying to steal the identity of someone who's up for parole.'

You mean, those aren't the outtakes? (Published originally on August 23, 2007.)

We never talk anymore, Lars. That's because it always ends the same way. You say, "Polly want a cracker." I give you a cracker. I try to shift the conversation to other topics, but you ask for another cracker again and again. 30 or 40 crackers later, you vomit and go to bed.

Why do you say Julius is the creepiest pet in the comics, Axel? Ever notice how his eyes seem to follow you across the newspaper?

"So, how's the slag heap treating you?"

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"How can you be out of wings?"

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

They're Not Just That Into It

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'