Cold Climate Curious Gifts

'We don't get many turtles here.'

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

Keeping warm.

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'According to the diagnostic computer, your problems are due to El Nino.'

Today's lesson, the rainforest.

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

'It's the abominable snowman!'

Ice Fishing

This Halloween, use props to create a unique jack-o-lanern. Fitness buffs might like a jumping jack. Or you could carve a lumberjack. In colder climates, Jack Frost might be a nice choice. And for something functional, build a jack!

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

'I don't get it. They told me to serve merlot at room temperature.'

Dog Igloo.

'Hours out here in the freezing cold and not a deer in sight! That's it - I'm going home!'

CSI: Alaska. "What have we got, Ted?" "Looks like a snowball with a rock in it...I'll know more when I get it back to the lab."

'Wait! Don't get in. . . It's totally cold.'

"I'm never ready for sweater weather."

Cold Enough to Freeze Brass Monkeys.

"Yes, the migration flight home is always faster, but it's thanks to the prevailing winds, not just because we're keen to get home..."

I think he's spent his whole career studying this one Great Lake just so he can say he has "superior knowledge"! Duluth.

"Did no one tell you that at this time of year everybody flies south?"

"Aw, geez. My nuts are frozen." "T-T-Tell me about it."

'Well, so much for whale-whispering.'

'I had a nest egg once, but I sat on it too long, and ended up with nothing but a frozen asset.'

'...and the temperature is controlled by a thermostat which keeps it at a controlled zero year round.'

Just north of the rainforest: the mostly-sunny-with-a-30%-chance-of-rainforest

'Ya know, I'm startin' to think this whole global warming thing might not be a bunch of hogwash after all.'

"And unlimited freezer space, naturally..."

"The Real Reason For Global Warming."

'The temperature isn't too bad at -15, but when you add on the wind chill factor... '

'Honey, I'm looking fat in white!' 'Trust me, dear. In a few months, the pounds will be melting away.'

"Yes, it's true we have 17 words for 'snow', but only one way of saying, 'I'm really tired of hearing that same question'."

"It's January Dad, where's the snow?"