Colander Collector T-Shirts

Yeth, hello noodle factory?

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Punt Cake

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Bathing-men attend to women on the french coast

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"Number 2. Step forward please."

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

The concert was going smoothly until Frankenstein's band played a ballad.

Relaxing in front of a fire.

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

"I must say Jeff, there's something about your personal brand that I find refreshing."

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

"Hoarder."

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

"Yeah, this many ways to contact her if I'm lost might be overkill."

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Modern Witch Shoppe

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

So close... Yet so far.

As you like it - One way of catching fish

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Doug tries to impress his blind date with his expansive collection of Charo CDs.

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

"I wonder what this was for."

Sarah Palin Fact #2783, Sarah Palin makes her own diamond earrings by squeezing coal.

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"Do not, I repeat, do NOT light his candle."