Cognition Connoisseur Gifts

"I no longer think, therefore I no longer am."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"You call this a constitution?"

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Men gossiping

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"My kid could do that."

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

S**t Threw a Goose

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'Oh-oh- planned obsolescence!'

White Wine Wisdom (2)

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'