Coffee Shop Strategist T-Shirts

"You don't whisper anymore."

You've Had Enough!

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

'This is a business lunch, Lowden. So, don't even think about enjoying yourself.'

How About Serving Us For a Change

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'Bring me the Wimbish report and a short worm, Ms Perkins, no time for lunch today.'

'I've got it written down...'

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'But what do you sell?'

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

Continental Drift.

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'