Coffee Comrade Gifts

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"Bad dog."

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

Non-Power Breakfast

Reading the sports pages.

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

"It's an app that lets me know when I'm bored."

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

Cook and Octopus

'How many times have I told you to stay out of the cemetery?'

'No, Mrs. Dudley! If there's a bone in a chair, that means it's reserved for Marmaduke!'

"Thing about human interest stories is, they always presume you're interested in humans."

That's what I call a well trained dog!!

'How long has what been going on?'

'Fantastic chance to show what you can do...resources are of course stretched...we'd be very grateful.'

"Oh, great. The boss is in one of his enigmatic, 'Guess what I'm thinking' moods again."

Good morning and welcome to National Public Radio, you bloated capitalist swine!

'My wife wanted me to get more active in sports, so I signed up or TWO fantasy football leagues.'

'Quick! 'Tushy to the ground' stance!'

French Toast

Commie Chef.

'I like you, you've got balls.'

Ants take cheese and grater

'We're like the canine unit, only tougher. Instead of dogs we use big, bad wolves.'

"Mr Yomp is in a big hurry, so give him 'speedy runaround number 39'..."

Dog, dressed as vet, is about to give cat lethal injection. Cat owner says: 'Terminal? I hope you don't mind if I get a second opinion.'

"Of course I know Jim. We once built a time machine together. We go way back."