Coffee Comic Pillows

"A barista should always follow his instincts."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

The only time cats are known to laugh.

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'You've had enough!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

Jim Carrey,

"A votre sante!"

John Cleese.

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

Spike Milligan

Woody Allen

"The project must be failing! The manager just suggested I take all the credit for it!"

"Any kids here tonight? Oh, wait... I guess not...since I didn't see any on the menu."

'Stocks rose on news engineers are close to developing a car that runs on lattes!'

Alan Carr

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

'This decaf's lousy.'

Comedy course highlights fake nose

'Are salary increases automaric, or do I have to work for them?'

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"Obviously, if I have to explain the joke, it's not funny anymore..."

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

"Some people call me a ball-buster, but I prefer cojones-crusher."

'I'm a Fringe performer.'

"Our breakfast burrito is just like our lunch burrito, except it contains 876 mgs of caffeine."