Coffee Comedic Pillows

"If you need something stronger we can bring out the defibrillator."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

'You've had enough!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

"The project must be failing! The manager just suggested I take all the credit for it!"

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

'Stocks rose on news engineers are close to developing a car that runs on lattes!'

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

"A barista should always follow his instincts."

'This decaf's lousy.'

'Are salary increases automaric, or do I have to work for them?'

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"Whoa! Just decaf today. I only had 15 hours of sleep yesterday."

"Some people call me a ball-buster, but I prefer cojones-crusher."

"I like to keep my option open."

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

'Sorry, Bob, but I'm having trouble taking our relationship seriously.'

"Our breakfast burrito is just like our lunch burrito, except it contains 876 mgs of caffeine."

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

'Okay children, who knows the actions to I'm A Little Espresso Machine?'

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

"Is that decaf?"

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

Tea Cup Ride

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

"Ho ordered the Cafe au Lait?"

A waiter strictly adhering to his religion