Caffeine Comic Pillows

'You've had enough!'

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

"I'll have coffee and he'll have decaff."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

You've Had Enough!

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

'This decaf's lousy.'

"A barista should always follow his instincts."

"Whoa! Just decaf today. I only had 15 hours of sleep yesterday."

"I like to keep my option open."

"Our breakfast burrito is just like our lunch burrito, except it contains 876 mgs of caffeine."

'Okay children, who knows the actions to I'm A Little Espresso Machine?'

"To maintain good cardiovascular health, you should aggravate the cat three to five times daily."

"Ho ordered the Cafe au Lait?"

"Is that decaf?"

'Chocolate pudding to start...it'll deaden your appetite.'

Coffee Coven

'I'm down to one cup of coffee a day.'

'It's a popular new flavor - It tastes like you're asleep!'

'... The coffee would taste like mud sir, it's fresh ground!'

"I'll have a skinny latte..."

"If you need something stronger we can bring out the defibrillator."

'Sorry, no carbs.'