Coffee Chat Ponderer Gifts

'I know everything is futile, but what good would it do to give up?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

'Of course working in a 'Virtual Firm' does have it's drawbacks...'

Voting on their Seats

'I've given up on looking for the bluebird of happiness. . . I'd settle for the chicken of contentment!'

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

Which came first, the club or the hole?

'Yes, it was love at first sight. Who would've thought that five years on, I'd be sick of the sight of him?!'

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

Too Much Money

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

'I'm not concerned that coffee might keep me awake all night. I have credit problems that do that for me.'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

I went to the book store, drank coffee, listened to some guitar player, talked to a friend, and forgot to buy my book!

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

Santa Amazon and the Christmas slaves were diligent again.

"Oh, no! Here comes a guy on a motorcycle! Should I give him the 'low wave'? Is the 'high wave' too effeminate? Am I allowed to wave if I'm on a scooter? What if I wave and he ignores me?! This is bad..."