Cobra Curator T-Shirts

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

Paul Klee

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Misunderstood artist

It's a call from Tate modern.

'Projectile painting.'

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

Frederic Auguste Bartholdi

Convenience.

The Rise of Modern Art

You had me at vintage.

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

Board Game Hunter

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

Three street vendors sit side by side selling their art; two of the vendors are selling normal paintings while the third is a Neanderthal selling cave paintings.

"The new house is almost ready!"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"Typical venue, just providing male washroom facilities!"

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

"That must be the artist over there."