Coach Sibling Gifts

The Other Cooperstown

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Bond James, Bond."

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Grace For Flies

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

I like the Jets...I guess

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Wildlife

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Santa Claus's Mail

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Reach for the Star.

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'If you were disturbed by any issues raised, please call your mum.'

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

"First class, or with children?"

Late night teddy reading

"I said I wanted to visit the Brandenburg Gate."

"She's been so creative lately."

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'