Sibling-coach Gifts

'And then Mindy had the nerve to call me a 'helicopter mom.' Me? In this wonderful jetpack! As if!'

Polygamists' Picnic

The Other Cooperstown

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

Cactus with muscles and dumb-bells on ground.

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

The noise from the basement was probably nothing – but if it was, she was a sacrifice her older brothers were willing to make.

"Act your birth order!"

Olympics create interest in curling.

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

Reflected Glory

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'Sorry, cash only -- we don't accept little brothers.'

"So, the inevitable sequel."

"Gracie, I'm getting way tired of your Jane Goodall routine!"

"There's the bell for respite. . . I mean, recess."

Scraper Biking, Manhattan, Spring, '95

'Cleanliness is next to...impossible.'

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

'I suppose this puts my new bike on the back burner?'

'MOM! -- Samantha called me names in her diary!'

"And another thing - I'm tired of you calling my band a 'side project'."

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

'Stop crying or Mom will think we're not having fun!'

'Take it from someone with experience. . . you can't go throwing tantrums until you've at least tossed a few.'

Technically, no, dear, your brother isn't plagiarizing you. ABC. ABC.

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

"I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed all my brothers and sisters."

'I told my Mom either the sitter goes, or I go!'

'How do you figure?'