Clumsy Crook Fan Gifts

"Fool! I said use nylon. Not a compression stocking!"

Children's Parties

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

The Fall of Gnome

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'What's that funny smell?'

You naughty kittens, you lost your mittens? Now you shall have a pie.

It had taken a team of engineers at IBM over a decade and had cost more than 50 million dollars, but that nigh, when Eat-Bot 4000 finally broke the record for hot dogs in an hour, it was all worth it.

Weather forecast

Finding a Zombie House on Halloween.

"Baldo. My name is El Muerto. I have a message for you...from the afterlife."

"Whoops - the server's gone down again!"

Martial arts and clumsiness.

"Never seen a cow before?"

"I'm here because I keep bumping into old friends. Like, literally bumping into them."

"They've always scared the hell out of me."

"Yeah, I used to ride a bicycle in the circus, but the gag was that it was way too small for me: kids loved the act..."

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

As technology improves, clowning sheep is becoming more common.

"See. I told you they have Roomba Rodeos when we're gone."

Chameleon.

Clown eating jelly beans.

Job applicant.

Ladder sticker reads, 'Caution: This is not a step.'

Comic Relief

Cat in bandages and on a crutch.

I slept funny last night!

'I think we should thin the herd.'

'I suspect your problem isn't stress related, right?'

"I don't care what they say - it isn't the best medicine!"

'Of course we charge triple!'

'Do you think it's possible that you provoked the defendant, somehow?'

'What? Do I have something stuck between my teeth? You're giving me a funny look.'

'He's accident prone... he just poked himself in the eye with his safety-glasses!'