Clumsy Comedy Fans Gifts

"I'd show you my mini Hi Fi but you just trod on it."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

The Fall of Gnome

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

Standard & Poor

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

The first case of resume padding.

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

"Don't go in there!!"

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

Yakety-Yak

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

'Your car's ready, but drive carefully for awhile. I had to give the student an 'F' for the work he did on it.'

Quick, follow that star

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

'I don't care how comfortable you feel with me. This reels weird for a first date.'