Clothing Gifts

"If they fit, we can return them."

Sensation in the Hamptons: A Man Strolls Down Main Street Wearing a Tie.

"Thanks. It's vintage."

"I can't wait until I'm old enough to dress myself."

'All this stuff's made in sweatshops - its awful! I'm not buying clothes someone's sweated on!'

Pants...Before & After

"It's raw, unprocessed wool."

Size 0, formerly known as Size 6.

Ripped and worn out jeans are much more expensive then regular jeans.

As his hearing worsened, Larry had to buy louder and louder clothes.

Man going into men's room in kilt, woman going into women's room in trousers.

'Sure it looks bad now, but try to imagine it with the right shoes.'

"It's finally 'sweater on, then off, then on again' season."

"...between a medium and a large - I like to call it 'Marge'."

'Are you sure 'One Size Fits All' is a designer label?'

"No no no! Stripes are soooo half-past four!"

'Of course it's more than we can afford - you want us to lose our image in the neighbourhood?'

How to read the dress code?

"Since I'm not poor like you, I can afford to have scruples. . . I would never buy cheap clothes made with child labour."

'Do you have it in black?'

"Do you have this grant in a bigger size?"

Trendy wolf says to wolf in sheep's clothing: 'That's SO last season.'

"You see, sir? It fits you like a glove!"

Designer Shoe Dwellers

Fittings for jeans: 'unfortunate paunch', 'persistent lumps', 'just weird.'

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

A Mussel is checking out some shirts for Mussels

Objects in mirror fit better than they appear.

'Hey guys, wouldn't it be alot easier if we just wore layers?'

"Well, here comes shorts weather."

High pants/Low pants.

"I was told I could bring my wardrobe consultant."

'I need a blouse to accessorize my glass of Cabernet.'

'Where is it written that I can't wear a Hawaiian shirt?'

'You must have one arm shorter than the other.'