Closet Comedian Gifts

'Yes, I downloaded my book report from the Internet, but I collated and stapled the pages all by myself.'

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

Triceratops - "A Turtleneck? You couldn't get me a shirt with buttons?

Pirate in cupboard

"Please ignore us. We're closet lesbians."

...she found out that the basque he'd bought wasn't for her.

'THis is where the boys used to gamble. By the looks of things, they lost a lot more than just their shirts.'

The woman next door bought a coat exactly like mine!

"Now you know why they hide those things away in closets."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

'So how do you manage such a close shave?' 'Simple,i wait till the very last second.'

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

Bed Fellow

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

'Gravity wins - again.'

"Harvey's staying with shoulders."

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

"I am a control freak."

Unsuitable clothing.

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."