Shelf Comedian Gifts

"We no longer shelve gay fiction separately. It's been assimilated."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

"I'll check and see if he's available."

'Does this mean you won't be coming back on Monday?'

'I load on the job all the time so I figure it's not really 'earned' income.'

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

...she found out that the basque he'd bought wasn't for her.

Major Poets, Minor Poets, Free Agents.

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"Darling! - did you know your books are crooked...?"

"I know it's a foreign book...but I'm reading it with a local accent."

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

'I've had my eye on you, Johnson, you really know how to scurry about aimlessly.'

"Hold on, one more thing to go."

Snowman in the Freezer.

'I DO NOT pamper the dog - Now get out of his chair!'

Library Waiting to Happen

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

'Under this blubber, pal, there are abs and muscle you wouldn't believe!'

'Put together beautifully. . . all you need now is some books.'

Book Store. I'm looking for a book on remodeling kitchen cabinets. Ah --- A "shelf-improvement" book!

I'm not retired yet...I'm just practicing.

Make Your Own

'Have you heard about the origami shop?'

Triceratops - "A Turtleneck? You couldn't get me a shirt with buttons?

Dogs as bookends.

I did it my way.

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'