Closed Captioning Fan Gifts

The dream was a little hard to follow â€" but the closed captioning helped.

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

I break for toilet paper

Alpha males through the ages!

'She's dealing multiple prescriptions. This is the 3rd pharmacy today where she got these highly addictive Chocolate Bits.'

"This guy looks like he's really out of touch."

Lane restricted to cars with three or more persons at least one of whom is a woman or visible minority.

'I'm the good witch...this is my house made out of dental products.'

"No, it's not a growth; It looks more like a bite.''

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

"Stand-up comedy." "On-your-knees-with-gas-pain comedy." "Please, God, make it stop..."

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

"I hear you're something big in the city?"

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

"International Women's Day... When do men get their day?"

'Mary, watch where you're pointing that thing!'

"I'll get that. First go get me a glass of warm water."

"Martha, are you sure you're not marrying me for money?"

"They don’t seem to mind us — it's the humans they want to keep away."

"I'm crossing the road to keep my social distance."

Warming hands over soup.

'Hi - I'm from the Government, and I'm here to implant this little chip in your brain.'

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

"Does my bum look big in this?"

'They're a nuisance, but they keep the smaller vermin down.'

"The scratchpost is for the cat, the other one is for my son."

"How do I know you won't turn around and blow it all on milk?"

"Ooh...this looks like fun. I could do with a good giggle!"

Civilization Ltd Urgently Asks To Stigmatize the Unvaccinated!

'The following program was made possible by a secret cabal of greedy capitalists....'