Clone Conspiracist Gifts

"If they figure out how to clone humans, we're screwed."

Elevator Music

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

'If this drilling goes on they are going to find my stash of Martian Dollars I buried as a hedge against inflation.'

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

'You can't be CEO, I am!'

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"The human is back - act normal."

"Are you going to the paper-shredding after?"

'I baked it especially for you.'

'What a beautiful baby.'

'Watch her, she's a whistle blower!'

"There's something different about that crop circle..."

"Our surveillance shows that young Earthlings have portable devices for the purpose of showing funny cat videos."

"I'm not sure if this proves there was intelligent life on this planet or not."

*Translation: "M'eh-lahni-ah... your mission begins. Depart for 'Earth' and await your instructions".

'Try not to cause panic - it spoils the meat.'

"It's a lot easier to throw someone under the bus when you have the app."

"Paul turn off your flashlight. There's a real interesting star cluster I'm trying to get a picture of."

"It looks like we've moved way past condition red!"

'Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake.'

'If you can hear this you have been abducted.'

"I'm from the president's office. We want you to develop a truth drug."

Translation: "Let's turn off the invisibility shield just long enough to freak 'em out."

Where have you been all night?

'Did I get this right? You bet 1,000,000,- that the Earth will get destroyed within the next three hours and if you win, I can keep the money to myself?? WOW!! Good luck, man! GOOD LUCK!!'

Jones,Jones,Jones,Jones,Jones,Jones,& Jones, cloning research.

"I'll have what everyone else is having."

"Here's some money and a passport. They'll be looking for you so head to to the border and good luck."