Alien Conspirator Gifts

'Is it true that you people give tax breaks for minority-owned businesses?'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Elevator Music

Pentagon Science Contest: '...It's a contest by the pentagon. They're gonna pay out half a million bucks to someone who comes up with the best idea on how people could travel to another solar system.'

'Take me to your computer.'

"There's a cure—but it's light-years away."

'Take me to your auto body shop.'

'If this drilling goes on they are going to find my stash of Martian Dollars I buried as a hedge against inflation.'

Dustbin monster.

"Shoulda brought the weed."

'Remember when the authorities were notified when we were spotted? Now nobody cares. They think we're drones.'

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

"I've been having hallucinations again, Doctor."

'...and then these two-eyed creatures took me from my spaceship to a four-wheeled vehicle. Nobody believes me. But you do, don't you doc?'

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

'Your resume certainly includes a lot of UFO abductions....'

'Of course we're not going to experiment on you. We needed another hand for our bridge game.'

'Graze in perfect circles. It drives people crazy.'

"Are you going to the paper-shredding after?"

'The infrared reading is negative: It's only a scarecrow... Let's go...'

Roswell 1947

"If they figure out how to clone humans, we're screwed."

Alien Shopping List: Milk, Bread, Bin Bags, Earthling.

"After you read the menu, eat it."

I knew we didn't have enough blocks for this thing.'

"Our surveillance shows that young Earthlings have portable devices for the purpose of showing funny cat videos."

*Translation: "M'eh-lahni-ah... your mission begins. Depart for 'Earth' and await your instructions".

'Admit it, Crawford, this fish was already dead when you caught it!'

Attorneys: Abducted by aliens? You may be entitled to compensation...

"Hey - a crop circle! Let's land here...."

'Try not to cause panic - it spoils the meat.'

Eviction Notice for Earth

'You may find a few things have evolved since we abducted you for our research.'

Frank Harris Blurry UFO Photography

"I'm not sure if this proves there was intelligent life on this planet or not."