Clogged Up Crusader Pillows

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

Ironing day.

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

Lanes Closed for the Hell of It

"Global warming, income inequalities, protests and COVID-19. Get up and do something! Help out already, now!!!"

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

Two Players both holding the same cue.

"It would kill him to run a vacuum?"

Fumes from furniture

An anglerfish lights up rubbish at the bottom of the ocean

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 8

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

This is not what I had in mind when I joined the Council!

"It's a survival instinct...they know there's an underwater pipe pumping out untreated effluent somewhere around here."

"I don't CARE if Tracy Emin's bed sold for £4440,000...I STILL want you to clean your room."

"I could probably keep spring-cleaning till next winter."

"Let me know when the floor is clean enough for me to put my feet on it again."

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

'Mom, I cleaned my room like you told me.'

'Oh no, green waxy build up.'

"You'll have to clean your room by yourself. Your plea for disaster aid has been turned down by the President."

Man of steel wool.

"I'm afraid it's a bad case of libel!"

Cleaner

'I didn't write the report. I printed it directly from the Internet, but I did all of the stapling and collating myself.'

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

'We can't get enough of these makeover shows.'

Ballad of Offshore Drilling.