Congestion Crusader Pillows

Man with black eye in Yes To Road Pricing t-shirt: 'I joined the debate'.

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

Ironing day.

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

"Global warming, income inequalities, protests and COVID-19. Get up and do something! Help out already, now!!!"

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

Lanes Closed for the Hell of It

Two Players both holding the same cue.

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

"You're not a real fan. You're just dressed up like a slut for attention."

Oil shock.

Fumes from furniture

"It would kill him to run a vacuum?"

"Please buddy, can you spare a carbon credit?"

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Energy performance certificate nailed to wall exhausts employer.

"I don't CARE if Tracy Emin's bed sold for £4440,000...I STILL want you to clean your room."

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

'Just how much carbon are we supposed to offset?'

'I wonder if everyone else is making as much effort as us to reduce global warming.'

"I could probably keep spring-cleaning till next winter."

'Mom, I cleaned my room like you told me.'

"Let me know when the floor is clean enough for me to put my feet on it again."

"Hurray! We've solved global warming!"

Net Zero Superstitions

'Happy birthday, dear -- it's a carbon offset!'

Hourglass earth - time running out

Cleaner

Man of steel wool.

"You'll have to clean your room by yourself. Your plea for disaster aid has been turned down by the President."