Clinic Storyteller Gifts

'Be careful, Doctor Trefz, she doesn't like men!'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'

Stay away from Pigs.

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"I think your problem is heartbeat-from-mouth syndrome."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

"Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator."

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

'It appears you've arrived here because of some medical gobbledygook, so, to put it simply, you can now go home.'

"Tick, tick, tick..."

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

'We want to have him fixed, Doctor!'

"A web search reveals that you've been consulting other doctors."

You have a low grade fever.

"I can't imagine her diabetes is affecting her body any worse than her sense of style is."

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'

"How do I get Nurse Jenkins to stop saying 'I told you so'?"

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CLINIC, 'Are you worried about passing your blood test?', 'Heck, no -- anybody can BLEED.'

'Nobody believes a word I say!' 'Oh, come now!'

'The transplant went okay, but your insurance company is rejecting the bill.'

"Your husband suffers from SADD. Spousal Attention Deficit Disorder."

"It never ceases to amaze me what little brains people have."