Clinic Storyteller Gifts

'Be careful, Doctor Trefz, she doesn't like men!'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

Stay away from Pigs.

"I think your problem is heartbeat-from-mouth syndrome."

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

"Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator."

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

'It appears you've arrived here because of some medical gobbledygook, so, to put it simply, you can now go home.'

"Tick, tick, tick..."

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

You have a low grade fever.

"A web search reveals that you've been consulting other doctors."

'We want to have him fixed, Doctor!'

"I can't imagine her diabetes is affecting her body any worse than her sense of style is."

CLINIC, 'Are you worried about passing your blood test?', 'Heck, no -- anybody can BLEED.'

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'

'Nobody believes a word I say!' 'Oh, come now!'

"How do I get Nurse Jenkins to stop saying 'I told you so'?"

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'The transplant went okay, but your insurance company is rejecting the bill.'

"Your husband suffers from SADD. Spousal Attention Deficit Disorder."